Skip to main content

정신 차려!




Wah, I think I should stop watching romance dramas.

They really made me sick.

Why I told you this.



This is because I just watched Korean dramas during quarantine days and wahhh, though I can slowly learn the Korean language, I became biased about real life and fiction. Sometimes I talked to myself in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, “Nadia, you watched too many dramas. Get back down! 정신 차려!”


I got confused about the meaning of life and love itself.


Somewhile, I think I don’t wanna get married. Why should I spend the rest of my life only with just one person? Shared home, bed, sad, happiness, and stuff like that. Why should I? I hate that. I just wanna be like a bird. Live freely. I’m not a tree, I can move somewhere if I’m feeling kinda uncomfortable. No, that’s not I don’t love him or something like that. I'm not ready yet, I’m just afraid….상처를 받거나 다른 사람을 다치게 할까봐, 두려워






Lately, I have watched old Korean dramas, first was drama starred Kim Joon-Myeon –you may know he is usually called Suho, the leader of one of the best Korean boy groups, named EXO. And you may also know that he’s currently in the military started last month after releasing his first solo album.

 OK, this is TMI. 

 Let’s back to the topic.

 The drama I watched was The Universe’s Star. It was a mini-drama, consisted of 6 episodes, 30 minutes long per episode. Well, the story was so classic and cliché, but it warmed my heart. The drama was about a famous singer who fell in love with his fans who died and after 7 years miraculously life again. What hurt me the most was, I'm not that special. Those things will never happen to me, obviously.

The second was a drama named Andante, which starred Kim Jong-in –you may also know him as Kai, also a member of boy group EXO. Compared to Joon-Myeon’s drama, Jong-in’s drama has a warmer feeling. I cannot believe that I cried out while watching 4 last episodes. After watched Andante, suddenly I wanna be like Jong-in in that drama, become a caregiver for the oldest or sick person. But I realized that I didn’t have basic in the medical field, but can I? 
Please......




You know I just turned 24 years old this year and I realized that the older we are, didn’t make me more “adult” and wiser. The older I am, the more I realized that there’re many things in this cruel world that I haven’t know yet. Just like, what is life? Why do I live and? I am curious about what the hell love is. And so on, and so on.

You know what, sometimes life isn't happening the way we want it to be. when you thought what you did is the best you can, but it wasn't enough. no, you actually didn't do good enough. I think I should go to the psychiatrist instead of writing this shit in the middle of the night. 

it was great at the beginning. I was so confident that everything will go well. I don't know if it would be this hard. no, no one knows. suddenly everything becomes so exhausting.

I feel quite tired, even when I'm not really struggling. At some points, I was thinking, should I stop and give up. 

So, I started to read a book, a quite famous book, named The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson. I'm currently on what Manson called "Feedback Loop from Hell". I'm anxious about being anxious, which is causing more anxiety.

 Then I recognized little by little that yes, not everything in this life we have to care about. Manson said we have to learn to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuck-worthy. And I'm trying to. Because every problem we have is never fucking going away, in cool language, we called it a mutation, yes, they just improved.


I’m 24 and I’m still searching what the fucking meaning of life. So what?!


P.S. Sorry, the pics I attached have no correlation, but who's cares?

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

(well) wrapped

시작이라는 걸 넌 믿을 수 있겠니?? 흔들리지 않게 걸어 나아갈 수 있을지?? sebenarnya sudah lama merencanakan untuk menulis lagi setelah sekian lama. keinginan itu ada, tapi dorongan untuk merealisasikannya itu yang agak berat ya. memang musuh utamaku adalah rasa malas. inti utama dari cerita kali ini adalah bagaimana aku berhasil dengan cukup baik melalui tahun 2022:  berhasil kembali ke Jepang, entah bagaimana berhasil bertahan hidup dengan berbagai bantuan, melewati pergantian tahun dengan bekerja paruh waktu, dan memulai awal tahun dengan pengamatan di laboratorium. berkali-kali aku bilang, bahwa my life is nothing but a comedy.  menyedihkan, tapi aku tertawa.  tidak menarik, tapi aku menikmatinya. aku akan flashback memori, semampu yang aku ingat, apa saja yang aku lalui tahun lalu. sekedar untuk mengingat bahwa aku sudah berusaha, tidak cukup bagus, tapi cukup baik. januari. tidak ingat. aku tidak ingat. apa ya yang aku lakukan? di rumah? membatasi bertemu orang-orang, bahkan dengan teman-temanku...
Post a Comment
READ MORE

I am today because of the choices I made yesterday

Ceritanya aku habis selesai nonton drama korea. Drama comeback Jang Kiyong setelah wajib militer. Drama 12 episode tentang satu keluarga yang punya kekuatan super, yang walaupun kekuatan yang mereka miliki nggak bikin mereka jadi superhero karena mereka merahasiakannya dan cuman menggunakan kekuatannya buat kepentingannya pribadi, bukan untuk kepentingan orang banyak. Judulnya the atypical family (히어로는 아닙니다만), tayang di netflix. Di dalam drama ini, Kiyong dapet peran jadi Gwijoo, duda ganteng anak satu, yang walaupun pengangguran tapi kaya raya. Gwijoo punya kekuatan untuk time-slip ke masa lalu, ke masa-masa dimana dia merasa bahagia. Tapi, dia cuman bisa jadi penonton. Ngga bisa nyentuh apapun, ngga bisa dilihat siapapun, jadi nggak bisa mengintervensi apapun di timeline itu. Dunia yang dia kunjungi hitam-putih. Hanya dia yang berwarna. Such a useless superpower, he thought, makanya ketika dewasa dia jadi seorang pemadam kebakaran (walaupun ga berlangsung lama) saking pengennya jadi ...
Post a Comment
READ MORE

스물다섯살

스물다섯 스물하나를 보고 나서 "기쁨과 슬픔을 나누는 사람이있다는거 좋겠네"  이런 생각이 들었어 난 그런 사람이 있지... 있었는데... 지금은 없어 I realized I depend too much on other people for my happiness, and I failed to maintain my distance from them. I expect too much. 그래서 자꾸 욕심이 나. This makes me feel sad when they suddenly leave. I should have drawn a fixed-line. The clearer one. Then keep trying my best to not cross on it. 근데 그거 바로잡으려는거 보다 난 도망갔어 도망치고 숨고 싶은 사람은 그사람들이 아니라 나였어.  떠난 사람은  그사람들이 아니라  내가. 나라고...  웃기지? 그래서 이젠 다른 사람에게도 아님 나 자신에게 기대어 기쁠 땐 혼자 스스로를 혼자 축하하고 "고생했어"해주고... 힘들고 슬플 땐 혼자 울고 혼자 토닥토닥하고 "괜찮아질 거야"라고 스스로 위로하고 "할 수 있어" 혼자 응원하고 그런거... 좀 슬프지만, 이젠 괜찮아, 익숙했어ㅎㅎ Pernah aku bercerita, bahwa sempat terpikir olehku untuk menghapus blog ini. Tapi tidak jadi. Syukurlah tidak jadi. Karena ternyata blog ini menjadi penghiburan tersendiri untukku. Aku menulis disini. Setelah aku beternak serangga-serangga dalam pikiranku dan kemudian aku tuangkan disini. Aku pikir aku menulis ini sebagai bentuk introsp...
Post a Comment
READ MORE