Skip to main content

정신 차려!




Wah, I think I should stop watching romance dramas.

They really made me sick.

Why I told you this.



This is because I just watched Korean dramas during quarantine days and wahhh, though I can slowly learn the Korean language, I became biased about real life and fiction. Sometimes I talked to myself in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, “Nadia, you watched too many dramas. Get back down! 정신 차려!”


I got confused about the meaning of life and love itself.


Somewhile, I think I don’t wanna get married. Why should I spend the rest of my life only with just one person? Shared home, bed, sad, happiness, and stuff like that. Why should I? I hate that. I just wanna be like a bird. Live freely. I’m not a tree, I can move somewhere if I’m feeling kinda uncomfortable. No, that’s not I don’t love him or something like that. I'm not ready yet, I’m just afraid….상처를 받거나 다른 사람을 다치게 할까봐, 두려워






Lately, I have watched old Korean dramas, first was drama starred Kim Joon-Myeon –you may know he is usually called Suho, the leader of one of the best Korean boy groups, named EXO. And you may also know that he’s currently in the military started last month after releasing his first solo album.

 OK, this is TMI. 

 Let’s back to the topic.

 The drama I watched was The Universe’s Star. It was a mini-drama, consisted of 6 episodes, 30 minutes long per episode. Well, the story was so classic and cliché, but it warmed my heart. The drama was about a famous singer who fell in love with his fans who died and after 7 years miraculously life again. What hurt me the most was, I'm not that special. Those things will never happen to me, obviously.

The second was a drama named Andante, which starred Kim Jong-in –you may also know him as Kai, also a member of boy group EXO. Compared to Joon-Myeon’s drama, Jong-in’s drama has a warmer feeling. I cannot believe that I cried out while watching 4 last episodes. After watched Andante, suddenly I wanna be like Jong-in in that drama, become a caregiver for the oldest or sick person. But I realized that I didn’t have basic in the medical field, but can I? 
Please......




You know I just turned 24 years old this year and I realized that the older we are, didn’t make me more “adult” and wiser. The older I am, the more I realized that there’re many things in this cruel world that I haven’t know yet. Just like, what is life? Why do I live and? I am curious about what the hell love is. And so on, and so on.

You know what, sometimes life isn't happening the way we want it to be. when you thought what you did is the best you can, but it wasn't enough. no, you actually didn't do good enough. I think I should go to the psychiatrist instead of writing this shit in the middle of the night. 

it was great at the beginning. I was so confident that everything will go well. I don't know if it would be this hard. no, no one knows. suddenly everything becomes so exhausting.

I feel quite tired, even when I'm not really struggling. At some points, I was thinking, should I stop and give up. 

So, I started to read a book, a quite famous book, named The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson. I'm currently on what Manson called "Feedback Loop from Hell". I'm anxious about being anxious, which is causing more anxiety.

 Then I recognized little by little that yes, not everything in this life we have to care about. Manson said we have to learn to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuck-worthy. And I'm trying to. Because every problem we have is never fucking going away, in cool language, we called it a mutation, yes, they just improved.


I’m 24 and I’m still searching what the fucking meaning of life. So what?!


P.S. Sorry, the pics I attached have no correlation, but who's cares?

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

DI ANTARA MIMPI DAN PERSIMPANGAN

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. Bicara soal mimpi, aku rasa semua orang ya pasti punya mimpi. Dari mimpi yang paling sepele sampe mimpi yang digapaipun rasanya nggak bakal mungkin kesampean. Aku inget, dulu, aku pernah debat sama seseorang, kalo nggak salah sih itu udah 2 tahun yang lalu, waktu aku kelas 1 SMA. Perdebatan antara seorang pemimpi yang idealis dan seorang pemimpi yang realistis. Aku udah lupa gimana endingnya, pokok seingetku, aku sama dia sama-sama nggak mau ngalah, sama-sama keras kepala dan ujungnya kita kembali kepada kepercayaan masing-masing soal mimpi itu sendiri. Baru sadar sekarang kalo debat tiada ujung kaya gitu bener-bener buang-buang waktu. Mimpimu ya mimpimu. Mimpiku ya mimpiku. Dan apapun itu, kamu sama sekali nggak berhak buat ngelarang aku bermimpi. Silahkan aja ketawain mimpiku. Silahkan aja remehkan mimpiku. Tapi lihat nanti, aku pasti bakal ngebungkam mulutmu itu waktu aku berhasil ngerealisasikan mimpiku. That’s called sw...
2 comments
READ MORE

2020: Penutup

Everyone carries their own burdens. Aku pikir bukan hanya aku, tapi semua orang juga merasakan, bahwa tahun ini adalah tahun yang cukup sulit. Setiap orang berusaha sangat keras dengan kemampuannya masing-masing untuk tetap hidup dan bernafas.  Aku ingin bercerita. Membagi kisah. Membagi beban. Tapi aku pikir aku tidak pantas mengeluh pada orang lain ketika orang lain juga memiliki kisah dan beban. Aku mencoba menahan diri agar tidak mengeluh, karena semua orang juga memiliki keluhannya masing-masing, bahkan lebih berat daripada milikku.  Aku pikir aku adalah orang yang mampu bertahan dengan sangat baik. Aku pikir aku adalah orang yang cukup lihai untuk beradaptasi dengan keadaan sulit. Aku pikir aku akan baik-baik saja. Ternyata tidak. Aku tidak baik-baik saja. Cukup banyak aku menangis, sampai kering air mataku. Aku pikir setelah tangisanku berhenti, aku akan kembali baik-baik saja.  Tapi ternyata tidak.  Aku sudah berteriak penuh amarah, sampai kering tenggorokank...
Post a Comment
READ MORE

anak kecil yang menangis karena ingin diberi permen

Kadang aku suka capek. Suka lelah. Suka penat. Sama diriku sendiri. Kadang juga aku suka kecewa sama diriku sendiri. Karena aku tau aku ini mengecewakan, tapi aku masih suka berlari untuk mencari pembenaran. Pembenaran atas semua hal yang sudah aku kecewakan. Suka bilang "aku pengen sendiri", tapi bahkan aku tidak pernah suka dengan kesendirian itu sendiri. Suka bilang "kita jalan kaki kesana yuk!", karena lagi penat dan banyak pikiran walaupun kebanyakan mereka yang diajak selalu menolak dan bilang, "mau ngapain? Capek. Kamu kaya kurang kerjaan aja". Suka sengaja hilang, sengaja lari. Cuma untuk tau apakah akan ada yang peduli dan merelakan waktunya untuk pergi mencari. Suka diam setiap ada sesuatu, sampai ada yang duduk di sampingku dan bertanya, "kamu ada apa? Ayo cerita". Mereka bilang cara berjalanku selalu lambat dan terkesan tidak niat. Dan aku selalu mengelak dan berbohong bahwa aku suka mengamati sekitar. Mungkin tidak sepenuh...
3 comments
READ MORE